Reader's Guide Question Five

[Evergreen]

Father Tim tells Esther Bolick that not taking a cake to Ol’ Man Mueller out of spite would be much
worse than feeling like a hypocrite for giving him a cake even though she didn’t want to. Do you agree?


Would you continue giving gifts to someone with whom you no longer had a good relationship?


Does Ol’ Man Mueller’s reaction upon receiving the cake change your mind or reinforce your opinion?

[carolyngrace]

If a relationship ends, I don't think I would continue giving gifts to that person. Some times that is just how relationships and friendships go. They are here for a season then gone.

I love Ol' Man Muellers reaction when he receives the cake but It wouldn't change my opinion above. I think Esther gives him cakes because it is her way of giving in the Christmas season, It is her way of showing charity to a man with whom she doesn't really have a relationship. She gives because it is her way of helping someone who has a need. Our church adopts families during the holidays to give them a boost. Even if they didn't seem gratful we would still help them because it is the right thing to do. Esther knows that the right thing is to keep taking a cake to him even if he did almost run her down. I hope this isn't
too much of a garbled ramble.

Good question

[redhead2]

Old Man Mueller's reaction definitely puts a positive spin on what FT told Esther. I think it's the right thing to do anyway. And as FT said, Old Man Mueller's old and his eyesight is possibly failing!

[jtrvsh]

Yes, I would continue giving Ol"MM the cake. I may be sorry that I ever started, but I wouldn't want to stop in case he looked forward to receiving it.
If I knew that he would share with his dog, I would look forward to baking the cake for him. And I would also bring some doggie treats.
Joan

[Cynthia J]

I would give gifts to some even if the relationship had changed.I would definitely make a cake for Old Man Mueller just because he is old and probably doesn't get home baked stuff too often.
Cynthia J

[ValerieMc]

Would I do it? It would depend on the circumstances.

Old Man Mueller needs someone to show him some love. Esther receives a blessing from doing something who will not return the favor.

& I do think we need to somehow help out those we know who need a lift.

[MitfordGoodWord]

Is this all about Mueller? Isn't there something just the tiniest bit odd about Esther making and giving these sugar bombs all the time? No one needs cake. Any accompanying social visit may sometimes be welcome, but the cake itself is unnecessary. Some people probably are addicted to the sugar rush they get from eating the sweet; most probably enjoy the aroma and pretty colors of the cake. We now know that smelling orange fruit and oil may give us a lift-- perhaps the smell of orange marmalade on and in the cake makes people feel good? But what good purpose does the cake itself serve? Is there something else Esther could have done for, or given to, Mr. Mueller and the others?
(this has bugged me for years. please know that i really do love Shepherds Abiding.)

I would re-eval the gift. Maybe some other gift would get Mr. Mueller's attention more effectively than cake. Or maybe not giving "gifts" to him would be acceptable also.

[Evergreen]

bump

[speedyg]

No. I would not! I would pray for that person and give them respect if I saw them but I would NOT buy a gift! As a man, I see that as hypocritical! I admire Fr. Tim's reasoning as CHARITY is to be considered before ALL things but I guess I am NOT that charitable - yet! May God give me the Grace to be so . . . . .

[Evergreen]

I agree, I don't know that I would buy a gift. But I might gift some of my time, my prayers, my talents...

I would continue to give gifts if it was laid upon my heart to do so. Where would Dooley and Lace be if people had not allowed them to grow into their (Dooley and Lace) generosity. Or how about Cynthia's patience for Father Tim's resistance? Or God with me? Others with me ...

Evergreen

[speedyg]

I agree, I don't know that I would buy a gift. But I might gift some of my time, my prayers, my talents...

I would continue to give gifts if it was laid upon my heart to do so. Where would Dooley and Lace be if people had not allowed them to grow into their (Dooley and Lace) generosity. Or how about Cynthia's patience for Father Tim's resistance? Or God with me? Others with me ...

Evergreen

Very true! Evergreen, you make a lot of sense here! How can God make of instruments to draw people more to Him if we hold grudges and treat them badly? I am telling myself THIS - not anyone else, here!

I've have to deal with quite a bit of anger and resentment with some siblings over my Mom, her Estate and towards myself as her POA!

That's probably the best things I can ask the Infant Jesus this year for - the gift of a forgiving heart!

[Evergreen]

How can God make of instruments to draw people more to Him if we hold grudges and treat them badly?

speedyg, that is an excellent question for anyone.

[Sunah]

I haven't came to this part yet in my re-reading of Shepherds Abiding. Last night I read how Father Tim dropped the angel.

But, to me, the lessons of giving is not for the recipient of the gift, but for the giver, the attitude and feelings of the giver, we need to learn how to give. Twice my devotion has mentioned that if we have two coats, give one to someone who has none. We need to learn to give and not get anything back. No mention or recognition, no plaque, no thank you card, no receipt.

I hate this part of Christmas, to tell you the truth. I hate the constant hints of what people want, like I'm this giant Santa Claus, I hate the worry of what if he/she doesn't get what they like, will this be good enough, I hate the worry of where the money will come from. I hate the worry of everything coming out even. I hate the stinginess, the greed, the pouting.

I do give of myself, all year long, I give so much there's hardly any left for me. So this is where I'm at in this journey towards the Kingdom.

[Evergreen]

I agree with the attitude of the giver. In fact I believe the Scripture that states we are to be "cheerful givers" but we have to look at circumstances that let us be cheerful. It is really hard. I'm single and seem to feel more freely about this than many who are parents, grandparents, etc. But it seems mostly what people want is me, my time, etc..and time is what I am most selfish with.

I hope that one of the outcomes of the state of our ecconomy is that relationships are prioritized again. People over things, God over things...

I read a phrase last night that made me think it was "observing Christmas is not as important as keeping Christmas." This is from an essay about guess what - priorities year round not just once daily. Abundace is not a one day glut but an enjoyment of blessings God has given to us that come from this one time event.

So much easier said than done....

[speedyg]

Very well put, Susan!!!!!!!

[Sunah]

Speedy and Evergreen, you two are the best! You should have come back with, "excuse me for livin'!" I was having a bad day. Even though I stand by what I said, I was not in the Christmas mood, I was ready to toss the whole tree out the window! :)

I came to this place in the book last night, the thing about Ms. Karon's characters is we all have people like them in our lives, know somebody that fits the bill. Esther is so representative of whatever is in us that wants to be recognized for the hard work we put in our "cakes". Father Tim told her Ol' Man Mueller had almost ran over him a couple of times, he must have eyesight problems. Poor old man. Lots of times people don 't have a clue they have hurt someone.

[speedyg]

No, Susan, I agree with you on much of what you said! Ms. Karon truly has a GREAT grasp on human nature! look at all the wonderful complex characters she has created - many of which we can all relate to in one way or another!

I think it is GOOD when we all can openly express our feeling here! That IS part of the healing process, is it not? :clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping:

[Evergreen]

Speedy and Evergreen, you two are the best! You should have come back with, "excuse me for livin'!" .

Never, not going to happen.

Evergreen